Mad Cow Disease

Everyone loves those cute little Chick-fil-A commercials. You know, the ones where the cows hold up signs that say Eat More Chikin. This paints a cute little image of cows. However, I am here to tell you that this could not be further from the truth.

Over Christmas Break I had my tonsils removed and therefore I had to stay inside for a couple of weeks. Near the end of break, Dr. Whitaker decided I was well enough to venture into the outside world and that a nice walk around the farm was just what I needed. I couldn’t wait to get outside and soak up that Vitamin D. I pull on my purple sweatpants, a T-Shirt, Long T-Shirt, and one of Dad’s old flannel coats, and head out the door. The cool brisk air is invigorating as I climb the fence that connects to our farm. As I approach the first hill I can see the cows in the distance. I decided to stay to the fence line just in case the cows decided to attack.

Now you might think that this is a little extreme, but you will soon see that my life was saved because of this well thought-out plan.

I finally come to a place where the woods stick out beyond the fence line. I decide that it is still safe to walk along the tree line since the cows wouldn’t be able to run as fast in the woods (And don’t kid yourself, those cows are fast.)

I begin to walk around when all of the cows stop what they are doing and turn to face me. “Just look forward Bobbie Jo. Don’t acknowledge them and they’ll leave you alone. If you can’t see them, they can’t see you.” No sooner had I thought these words did one particular menacing looking cow start running toward me at break-neck speed. It finally stops about five feet away from me, snorting and rearing its head. I start to back slowly into the woods and the cow begins to follow me. Not only that, but all of the other cows run over to where I am. I make a hasty retreat into the woods and dive for the fence line. I know if I can get there I am saved. As I reach the fence I turn around and see that the cows are still at the edge of the woods.
Since I am not the most graceful person, I decided that it would be best if I could cross at the gate instead of trying to go over barbed-wire. I am about half-way to the gate when all of the cows run towards it. Those diabolical cows are scheming against me and only ran over there to block my escape! I decide that I have to bite the bullet and just climb the fence. I’m at a place where there’s no barbed-wire, so I figure now or never. I place my foot next the post (just like you taught me dad) and begin my ascent. A got one leg over when the rotten log moves and I’m thrown on top of it, cutting up my hand. Afraid that my commotion may have alerted the cows I continue on. I am now in a field where there are no cows, but in order to get back to the house I have to go through another field with more cows. Now these cows were friendly before, but I can now see the evil cows conversing with the nice ones. I knew this was going to have to be an operation of stealth if I wanted to get out still intact. Using my animal-like instincts I manage to elude the cows and make it to the safety of home. I tried to convince my dad of the evil that is hibernating in his cows, and even showed him my scars, but he just laughed at me and told me that they were hungry. Well I already knew that. They thought I was dinner!

So next time you see one of those cute little Chik-fil-A cows, don't be deceived. Under those black and white spots lie an evilness bent on taking over the world, one Bobbie Jo at a time.